10 foods that will sabotage your sex life
10 foods to avoid before having sex
Have you ever had a first date go oh-so-great and then take a turn to the Terrible Avenue? If not, you’re lucky. I had a fantastic date the other day that I managed to ruin all on my own. Listen, try as I might, there was no one else I could blame for the way this date took a turn.
So here’s what happened. I took this girl out to a fancy restaurant. I really liked her, so I wanted to treat her to a gorgeous night out. We hit it off instantly, and the conversation was flowing naturally and effortlessly. Then the waiter came around with the biggest wheel of cheese I ever saw. When he asked us if we wanted some cheese on our dishes, I enthusiastically said YES.
Yeah, you can see where this is going, can’t you? The dinner was delicious, but the aftermath was painful and embarrassing. I felt bloated, and my sex drive was pretty much nonexistent. Not to mention, I’m a bit lactose intolerant, so I had to spend an awful lot of time in the bathroom.
These foods will absolutely ruin your date
So that was my lesson on the side effects of cheese on the first date. But what else is on the list of foods to avoid before having sex?
It’s not just cheese; It’s all dairy products
If you want to still be willing and able to do the dirty by the time your date is coming to an end, avoid all dairy products. They are bad news for everyone looking to get lucky after a date.
Now, although dairy has been villainized in the past few decades because it’s not heart-healthy, it’s not as if you have to stay entirely away from it. Having a bit of cheese with dinner won’t cause drastic problems (such as erectile dysfunction, for example). However, it will make you feel bloated. Good luck having sexy times in that state!
Excessive amounts of any type of food probably won’t mix well with your hot and heavy plans for the date afterparty. But with dairy, you have to be extra careful, or you’ll spend the end of your date in the same place I did — on the can!
Go easy on spicy food
Spicy food sounds exotic and sexy, and you might even think a restaurant with spicy food is a perfect choice for a date spot. Spices increase your blood flow and get that blood pumping nice and strong, so some might think they will be a hit on any date. But is that really so?
Aside from not being everyone’s cup of tea, spicy food can cause lots of issues that will eventually lead to a low (or nonexistent) sexual desire. It can give you acid reflux, which will not only make you feel bad but also make your breath stink. Nothing says sexy times like bad breath, right?
But that’s not all (because, why would it be?)! Spicy food isn’t always kind to our digestive tract. It can cause indigestion or unplanned and (definitely unwanted) bowel movements. Sooner or later, the spicy food is going to want to come out (usually in a violent way), and before you know it, you’ll be stuck on the toilet with your date waiting for you in the bedroom. Talk about a mood killer, right?
Skip the beans
This one should be self-explanatory, but let’s dive a bit deeper into why beans are a terrible idea for sex night.
Even if your digestive tract is having the best night of its existence, digesting beans will still be super hard. They have lots of sugar molecules called galactans in them that are really hard to break down.
In fact, they are practically indigestible. In the process of trying to fight them into submission, our digestive tract turns the sugar molecules into fantastic gas bubbles that are simply dying to come out of your rear end.
If you think that you could get rid of the gas discreetly and quietly — think again. Those puppies will come out loud, smelly, and overall disruptive. So beans simply aren’t worth the risk.
Too much onions and garlic
Avoiding onions and garlic seems like a no-brainer. You want your date to want to kiss you, right? So stay away from smelly foods.
However, even if you and your date make some sort of a romantic-suicide-pact and eat onions and garlic for dinner, it still won’t make the whole ordeal any better. Do you know why?
Because onions and garlic don’t change, just the odor of your breath. Oh, no, they can multitask and affect your body in many ways. For example, all body secretions will have a distinct, funky odor to them if you go overboard on the garlic bread and onion rings.
So as you can gather, if you feast on onions and garlic, your entire body will become less-than-stellar when it comes to smell.
Desserts first or not at all?
Desserts and sweet treats always sound like a good idea, right? They are sugary, delicious, and you can easily feed them to each other. All of that sounds great and sexy.
However, although desserts won’t lower your libido or your chances of getting your soldier to stand to attention, the combination of sugar and trans fats might make it hard for you to get across the finish line. This isn’t a huge deal-breaker, right? Sometimes, orgasms don’t happen; that doesn’t mean the sex is bad, right? Right?
Well, yes, but you don’t really have to sabotage them either. Getting to that peak with your partner is a fantastic experience. So why ruin it with cake?
Blame it on the alcohol
I know that alcohol can help you loosen up and relax, which is why many people opt to drink some on their dates. However, as with anything else, moderation is key. Drinking too much or picking a strong alcoholic drink might kill your libido.
Furthermore, alcohol can also make you sleepy. And, trust me, if you fall asleep on your date in the middle of getting down and dirty — you’re not getting that call for the second date!
A few parting words
If you’re planning a romantic date and are looking for a steamy finish, avoid these ten foods. Your best option is to either cook something light and delicious with little or no salt. Don’t forget that nothing will make you bloat faster than salt!
Finish the night with a few dark chocolate-covered strawberries (but only a few!). Now, those will treat you and your digestional tract the way you deserve and make your date go from great to fabulous in no time.